He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize