I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
