Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
lol hangovers are for mortals.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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