when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
