how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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