Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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