Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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