Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize