aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
