did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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