It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
