The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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