His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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