My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
