If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
