I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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