I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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