You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
