Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
