I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
