im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
