I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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