We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
