Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
