Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
