At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
