I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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