I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
