she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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