I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
