I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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