At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
