you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize