I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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