did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
