Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
