KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
