What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize