Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
