is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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