the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
