From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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