If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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