my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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