meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Houston, we have a blender
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
