We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
