I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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