At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
