I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
