No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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