You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
