She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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