You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
