oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
