I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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