So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
