Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
