Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
