Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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