I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
