OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
