Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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