Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
