careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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