I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
