Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
