i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
