if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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