She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize