Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
