the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
