Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
