After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am available for nakedness
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
