Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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