I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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