He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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