i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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