i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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