the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
