Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Im part way to drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
