The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
