Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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