i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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