I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
