Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
